Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
