dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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