put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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