just come out here and I will go home with you...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
