For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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