5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
