He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't deserve a penis
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
