its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
