Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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