I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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