Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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