you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
