My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
