Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
