I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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