We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
