it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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