Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
