I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
