quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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