he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
