I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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