We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
