I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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