i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
