Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
