My brain says no but my pants say off.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
