When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
