dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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