Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm at about main and main street
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
