i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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