If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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