I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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