Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
