my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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