You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
