hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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