He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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