There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
