Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
