Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
