I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
