There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
