I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
