I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize