it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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