life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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