So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
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fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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