Moan for me like Helen Keller
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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