Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
