HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
