Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
