I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
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As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.