Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
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I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level