I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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