called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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