I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
