Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
