he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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