THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
