first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
