I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
