i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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