Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
