sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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