took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
