Do you still have your period?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
