you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
