Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My bed smells like the plague
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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