The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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