so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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