new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
