Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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