I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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