On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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