between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
