Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
